I love this. I have two cousins on my mother's side, both male, and many more -- maybe 13? on my dad's side. But out of that, only 2 other girls. One I never really knew until we met as adults, but I dearly love my cousin Claire -- we're the closest thing we each have to a sister, and share a slightly off sense of humor. She's the one who termed the decor both of us have as "early dead grandmother."
“Being cousins felt like being a human pantry item, and I mean that in a positive way—something that’s present, that gives you comfort because you know it’s there, that has a constancy that requires only occasional attention.” This is such a great analogy. The truth of it confirmed when you go to the pantry for that ubiquitous can of tomatoes, and it’s not there. Just as the existence of this extended family scaffolding is not really remarked until there’s a loss: a move overseas, a death. Then the felt absence of something you almost entirely took for granted is startlingly vivid.
I reconnected with my mother’s first cousins through 23andMe in 2020. She had severed ties with them in the 80’s, but they would babysit for me when I was little and we all lived in the same area. It has been so rewarding to get to know them and their adult children, and to hear stories about our family that I had murky memories and details of.
I listened to the audio version of Shantaram nine years ago and I really enjoyed it. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on it when you’ve finished reading it.
One of the cousins used to ask her parents to go to Cousin Street, the neighborhood where a lot of family lived in South Frankfort. My grandparents, an aunt with her two kids, great grandmother, various and sundry kids of the other aunt and uncle. It was fun.
And then there are those relations woven by the thinnest of blood threads, by proximity of connections through marriage or other cross-familial ties, but nonetheless feel like the real deal…❤️u
Of all the accolades you have been accorded in life, I think one of the greatest is Ask Susan Orlean Anything session winning the Spark Camp showdown death match.
Panama looks beautiful. Seems like that old Roman Empire building vibe has reemerged,did somebody open a box somewhere. In my mind is a mental map of my wider family and though I never see them just knowing how I fit in to this pattern is satisfying. I think all humans need a mental map of a web they fit into even if that web is dead people,ones you don't know as people,and maybe a long lost one who unexpectedly leaves you some money - so you can go to Paris. Yes!! Thank you Uncle Stuart.
I’d be delighted to be your cousin. And coincidentally, I’m in Panama now, awaiting our transit in a couple weeks (hopefully) through the canal on our sail boat to head across the Pacific.
My brother owns one of the toupees Shatner wore in the Star Trek era. So… four degrees separation?
More wonderful reflections embedded in a story told with humor and love. Thank you.
I love this. I have two cousins on my mother's side, both male, and many more -- maybe 13? on my dad's side. But out of that, only 2 other girls. One I never really knew until we met as adults, but I dearly love my cousin Claire -- we're the closest thing we each have to a sister, and share a slightly off sense of humor. She's the one who termed the decor both of us have as "early dead grandmother."
I love fake cousin Jaques!
Love this one, and would love to be an honorary cousin, or a wannabe cousin, or whatever kind of cousin works! And thanks for the book recs!
“Being cousins felt like being a human pantry item, and I mean that in a positive way—something that’s present, that gives you comfort because you know it’s there, that has a constancy that requires only occasional attention.” This is such a great analogy. The truth of it confirmed when you go to the pantry for that ubiquitous can of tomatoes, and it’s not there. Just as the existence of this extended family scaffolding is not really remarked until there’s a loss: a move overseas, a death. Then the felt absence of something you almost entirely took for granted is startlingly vivid.
I'm not you're cousin but great article just the same.
I reconnected with my mother’s first cousins through 23andMe in 2020. She had severed ties with them in the 80’s, but they would babysit for me when I was little and we all lived in the same area. It has been so rewarding to get to know them and their adult children, and to hear stories about our family that I had murky memories and details of.
I listened to the audio version of Shantaram nine years ago and I really enjoyed it. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on it when you’ve finished reading it.
One of the cousins used to ask her parents to go to Cousin Street, the neighborhood where a lot of family lived in South Frankfort. My grandparents, an aunt with her two kids, great grandmother, various and sundry kids of the other aunt and uncle. It was fun.
And then there are those relations woven by the thinnest of blood threads, by proximity of connections through marriage or other cross-familial ties, but nonetheless feel like the real deal…❤️u
❤️❤️
If you were my cousin I'd be calling or texting you every day for writing advice. :D
Also, you may have just inspired me to go to Panama.
I hope I can make the live chat!
Of all the accolades you have been accorded in life, I think one of the greatest is Ask Susan Orlean Anything session winning the Spark Camp showdown death match.
You really were game for that!
🤣👍👍👍
I love your column! Tha KS for the smiles.
Hah, the story of non-cousin Jacques was adorable. I hope you are snail-mailing pen paling with him. What a gas.
Also, I feel compelled to answer the question. I don't think we are cousins, but I never say never.
Panama looks beautiful. Seems like that old Roman Empire building vibe has reemerged,did somebody open a box somewhere. In my mind is a mental map of my wider family and though I never see them just knowing how I fit in to this pattern is satisfying. I think all humans need a mental map of a web they fit into even if that web is dead people,ones you don't know as people,and maybe a long lost one who unexpectedly leaves you some money - so you can go to Paris. Yes!! Thank you Uncle Stuart.
I’d be delighted to be your cousin. And coincidentally, I’m in Panama now, awaiting our transit in a couple weeks (hopefully) through the canal on our sail boat to head across the Pacific.